It happened in a flash.
I had spent the morning getting things ready for a pretty big day--after all, my youngest was celebrating a birthday! Dinner was prepped, and I even had time to rehearse the choreography for my twelve o' clock Essentrics class. Hubs came home for a quick lunch, and I had even gotten myself together to head out earlier than normal so that I could find parking before heading in to teach my class.
I was just walking into the building when a young student was heading out and held the door for me. The next few seconds are now a blur, but I distinctly recall being upright, and then being on the ground, landing on my knee and hand. The hand that now looked like an alien appendage, and hurt as I'd never felt before. Much chaos ensued, but eventually, I headed off to the Emergency Room, was diagnosed with a fracture, got cast (twice--I don't recommend the experience!), and then was set for surgery. Apparently, when I break something, I go all out!
I have to say that the whole hospital process, in retrospect, was pretty standard. After all, I'm not the first to break a bone, and hardly the last. I'm also not the first to get into a funk, hold a personal pity party because of an injury, and regret or second guess everything that happened leading up to my injury. Ironically, right after this happened, memes upon memes about how to walk on ice (?!?) surfaced and were shared all over social media. What I want to share is how it felt, how one event or happenstance can affect us each so deeply, and how shifting perspective can help change the outlook on recovery.
It all really boils down to managing our expectations. If you've ever felt that things were going well for you, but then all of a sudden, things seemed to flip and you find yourself on the opposite side of where you expected to be, I'm sure you can relate. I had plans, things were looking up, and though I still had several projects cooking on the back burner, I was really pleased with how my year was going. Once I fell and got injured, all I could think about were the "what-could-have-beens." I felt like I'd let down my students as well as myself. Everything I had planned for the months to come came to a screeching halt.
Our unmet expectations are often the biggest thief of joy in our lives. Somehow, how things should have gone, or what someone should have said, or how someone should have acted often linger in our minds long after the incident happens. Or, if we are looking at how this applies to our health, thinking of what should have been eaten, what workout should have been done (or even just exercising at all), or choosing when to start on a health journey can often stall us, and make us feel uncomfortable and uncertain. All I could think about what I was losing: my mobility, independence, and my carefully planned out schedule. I focused on what was wrong and how those things would impact my life.
What I didn't realize were the gifts that happened to fall into my lap because of this. Now, I'm sure by this point you are thinking, "okay, here comes the cheesy, quasi-inspirational talk." I'm also betting that you're about to check out and click away to something more important or relevant to how you are feeling or thinking. But hear me out. I had shared this openly in my community--each day, there were ups and downs, and seeing the silver lining was HARD. No one wants to read about somebody wallowing in self-pity, or struggling all the time. We want inspirational, motivational and uplifting messages. We want to see that someone else can come out a winner despite the odds.
For the most part, we all come out smelling like roses. It truly is all a matter of perspective, and managing what we expect to happen. We can focus on the negative, and pass by those little, positive signs in our day. On the other hand, we can practice gratitude, which is a daily, intentional choice and see those little golden moments that we would otherwise have ignored in our daily hustle and bustle.
If you are at a point in your life where you feel like you've lost your purpose, have faith. If you have had a health crisis, take heart. If you are down on your luck or have financial insecurity, take action. Find the support you need, whether through friends and family, or a service that will help you get the boost you need. If you are leaning towards doing this alone, I know you want to feel strong and capable, but I urge you to reach out to your network.
I'm not going to lie and say I found my peace quickly. It is a daily choice to focus on the fact that things could have been worse, and that miraculously, I didn't break my leg or my back, or worse! I had the most amazing staff at the fitness center that came to my aid in an instant, stayed by me as I tried to contact my family, and helped to facilitate my transfer via ambulance. I have the most patient and loving family supporting me--my husband, who is now still doing double duty; my parents and in-laws, who have tirelessly made time out of their schedules to come and help cook and manage our family's day-to-day-mayhem; and my kids, who have been helpful beyond what I would have imagined, and are patiently waiting for their birthday cakes to be made when I'm functional again! I can't forget about my friends, students and those folks in our extended social circles, who have sent numerous well-wishes, stopped by for visits to keep my spirits up and sent numerous prayers for a successful surgery and speedy recovery.
Those gifts I mentioned before? I had only been focusing on what I couldn't do: drive, workout, teach my weekly classes and manage my business and home. Those that fell into my lap that I least expected: having the extra time to teach my kids the many aspects of cooking--those practical life activities like cutting up fruit, boiling water to make pasta--and being able to be here to share their day without having other schedules looming in the back of my mind. Being able to reconnect with friends and make new ones--voice dictation has been a godsend, and I've dictated so many notes that I had meant to send just to catch up and keep up with their lives. Having a business that is not dependent on my physical ability to move, but rather on knowledge, experience, and the relationships with my clients and colleagues.
Do you find that you are unhappy or suffering most of the time? While important health matters and conditions need to be addressed and taken care of, there is a lot that we can do in the management of our own expectations to change our stories. Have you noticed a time when you've had a change of heart or perspective and found new energy to devote to your health or your family? I'd love to hear about your experiences and where you are right now. Let's share our stories to help each other solve or navigate through the challenging moments!